By DAWN SAGARIO
The Des Moines Register

Stepping into the women's restroom at work is like entering an inner sanctum … a place where tears flow freely and female co-workers are sometimes akin to Catholic priests in confessionals.

There's a brown tweed couch that sits inside the women's restroom at the Des Moines Register. At times, that sofa has become the quickest, most accessible sanctuary.

That's been especially true when, blinking back tears at my desk, I've tried to deal with personal problems that have threatened to cause the tears to spill over. One situation included a guy I dated who chose to stop calling as a way of telling me it was over.

From breakups to caring for ill parents to deaths in the family, trying to stay productive in the workplace during these times can seem as futile as bailing water out of a sinking ship.

Seeking support and minimizing isolation from others is key, experts say. But that leads to the question: Who to turn to for help? Is the situation one where a professional's guidance is needed? Is talking to colleagues or supervisors about personal issues a good idea?

Assistance programs

Employee assistance programs are avenues to explore. The Employee and Family Resources in Des Moines offers programs such as face-to-face counseling sessions and 24- hour telephone support to companies and employees, said Tammy Hoyman, manager of clinical operations for the employee assistance program.

Seeking support early can help keep problems from overwhelming workers, Hoyman said. That support can come from a professional, family or friends.

"We really encourage self-care and encourage folks to establish healthy boundaries between home and work," she said. Making adjustments in diet, sleep and exercise, and avoiding drugs and alcohol, can sometimes make a difference in a person's ability to cope with whatever personal drama is unfolding.

Bosses can help

Hoyman said turning to bosses may also be helpful.

"I think that having a healthy relationship with a supervisor or manager so that you can come up with a plan for the days when you're not doing well is good," Hoyman said.

All Holmes Murphy & Associates managers in Des Moines have cards at their desks with information about the company's employee assistance program, said Shan Ince, vice president of human resources.

Employees can call the program's counselor on their own or ask the company to make an appointment for them, Ince said. Sometimes managers concerned with the decline in an employee's work performance will share their observations with the counselor and leave the matter in the professional's hands, she said.

Confiding in a colleague could alter your work boundaries after you've bared your emotional vulnerabilities, said Mary Riche, a marriage and family therapist and business coach with Counseling for Growth and Change in Des Moines.

"It's not a matter of hiding your emotions," Riche said. "It's about making good choices about who you share them with."

Those divulging their problems to co-workers should be aware that doing so may turn professional relationships into personal ones.

Eavesdropping on conversations at work is often unintentional, albeit inevitable, especially in an open office space like the Register's newsroom. At times, that makes it hard to hide tense telephone exchanges or perplexed looks.

So when is it permissible to cross that invisible work space line and ask whether a co-worker is all right?

Don't force it

"I think it's OK to let people know that you're there to listen if they need it," said Hoyman, who cautioned workers to be careful not to force support on the vulnerable. "You just offer it and see if they take you up on it."

Until things blow over, Riche said, writing in a journal, volunteering and going for walks can help alleviate stress during difficult times.

Exit strategy

One coping strategy she recommends is designing a plan when employees need to remove themselves from a situation at work.

"If you're in a meeting, then sit next to the door," she said. That makes for a quick and easy exit.

Then know where you can go to compose yourself, she said.

Thank God for that brown tweed couch in the women's restroom.